


A loving hand

by ArthurFlecksGirl



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25770406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurFlecksGirl/pseuds/ArthurFlecksGirl
Summary: This is my interpretation of the scene where we see Arthur touching himself through the bedroom door and the phone call afterwards. From his point of view.
Kudos: 3





	A loving hand

The fabric of Pennys bedsheets feel strange under my naked thighs. I don`t remember if my naked skin ever touched her blanket. But I don`t think so. The only blankets familiar to my skin are the ones on the couch. I can`t even recall the last time I was sleeping in a bed. I think I never did. Not even when I was a little boy. All I had was a matress lying on the floor, in the corner of the room, right behind the door. So they didn`t had to see me all the time. Me and the weird smirk on my sad eyed face.  
After I grew up and Pennys boyfriend was out of the house, I was allowed to sleep on the couch. So the couch was all I have known. The only times I sat on the bed was in the afternoon, when mum and me watched the Murray Franklin show. It was a ritual of ours and I kinda miss it now that she is at the hospital.   
But on the other hand it feel good to be able to use the whole apartment without having her around. I was never alone at home. She was always there. Sometimes I mixed some sleeping pills into her oat meal, so she would sleep for a couple of hours. I know this isnt a very polite thing to do but sometimes I just need some hours by myself. Which is ironic because I am dying from loneliness.   
But having mum around doesnt kill my lonelyness. Sometimes I even feel like she makes it worse. She makes me feel all alone. I feel bad fantasizing about woman in the living room while there is a chance for her to wak through the room anytime. She caught me rubbing myself against the cushions before and it was the most embarrassing moment of my life. worse than my laughing fits in public. She pretented she didnt saw it but I know she did. I masturbated while hiding under the blankets for months after that.  
Today I am free.  
But I feel kinda dizzy and feverish. The cold of the fridge is still sticking to my bones. Even though I put my dark red long sleeve on before lying down on my back. My hair sticks sweaty to my forehead. Maybe I´m really having a fever. It`s hard to tell when you`re hallucinating anyway.  
A cigarette is burning on my right hand while my left hand is making it`s way into my panties, stopping between my legs, caressing my cock. I`m as gentle as possible with myself. I want it to feel like a ladies hand. A loving one. Someone who really cares about me. I need it to feel like making love. It`s not about relieving myself at all. I mean, this would be a bonus but I hardly get an errection anyway. My medication won`t allow me to. Not on days like these, when depression hits hard. It`s just me and the fantasy of my one and only person. She`s out there. I know it. I feel it. I can feel her everytime my hand is moving between my legs, everytime I imagin a kiss. Oh, to kiss someone would be heaven.   
My lips feel dry as I continue to stroke my touch starved body. Who would ever love me? If someone ever did, I would give the world to this woman. My world.   
I take a smoke and imagin her hands between my naked thighs, her lips around my most sensitive parts. Her loving voice telling me how much she loves me and how much she wants me to fuck her. I`m burning up. Could be the fever. Or maybe just the thought of having sex.  
The freezing sensation from staying in the fridge for too long finally leaves my body. My eyes are closed. I am looking on the inside. Not sure if I want to see what is going on in there. My mind is a dark place. But deep down in the core there is light and it flows all through me, reaching my arms and legs, it spreads like an exploding star. The light I always carried within me, I always wanted to share. But no one is able to see.   
I try to concentrate. Try to imagin her voice. To get an idea of how much she adores me. Her hand so softly going up and down, begging me to take her. I take her face within my hands and kiss her passionately. I can almost taste her. Good thing I have such a strong imagination. I`m so curious when it comes to taste.  
The phone rings and I stop my hand from sending me into another dimension.  
Reality calls.   
The answering machine says something about a Shirley Woods, asking me to be on the Murray Franklin show.   
If this is reality I don`t even know anymore.  
My left hand slits out of my underwear and I get up to reach for the phone.  
"Who is this?" I realize my voice does sound a little pissed. I can`t trust this. I`m not used to hear good things.  
She repeats her name and tells me she`s teh show booker of Live with Murray Franklin. Asking me if I am Arthur.   
"Yes" I reply andlet my hand slide down the telephone receiver, before I tug it between my chin and shoulder to let my hand touch my chest.   
Is this even real?  
Who would even call me?  
My hand wanders all over my torso, my shoulders. I feel the soft fabric of my longsleeve.   
Proof. I need proof.  
She keeps talking about how Murray wants me as his guest.  
I touch my forehead to make sure this isnt a fever dream.  
Am I still in the fridge?  
Touching my face feels real to me.  
But thats not convincing eighter.  
I take the phone back in my hand.  
"Murray wants me on the Murray Franklin show?" I feel like my eyes are waterin as I hear myself saying that. He should have been my father.  
Deep down I know I should freak out ,being happy. But I feel numb. I haven`t forgotten the way he made fun of me. Calling me a Joker.   
I suck on my cigarette. I feel too much and nothing at all at the same time.  
The voice on the phone tells me Murray wants me to do some of my acts.  
"Does that sound good to you?"  
"Yeah that sounds great" I mumble before she asks me if I am available next thursday.  
I was waiting for this my whole life.  
But I don`t feel it. Somehow I cant feel the truth behind it.  
Why can`t I just be happy?


End file.
